There are very few tragedies that impact a child more than the splitting of his or her parents. The foundation for a child is their parents; both of them.
Going through a divorce creates a tragedy for the child. The effects of the court system undermine the very people the child needs to lean on most: mom and dad. Most teachers believe boys suffer more and are less adaptable then girls. I don't agree. I think boys are more simple creatures so reflect more outwardly the horrible disaster divorce has on them. But there is absolutely no question that the better parents get along, even after a split, the better off children are in both the short and long term.
To understand the effects of divorce on children, we will first look at the divorce process, core problems in the system, then how this affects children.
The Divorce Process
When a young law student wrote to me with questions on Facebook, I mentioned two flaws of the family law system from the point of view of couples going through it. Before I mention those two core problems, there is another, greater flaw from an objective and higher point of view.
The body of family law corrupts what is known as "rule by law" (the basis of Roman and thus English and American law). It does this by the nearly unlimited discretion imparted to judges. Legislators want to allow for almost anything in "the name of" helping the family, thus family law has become a free-for-all that rarely is "just" or beneficial to the family. Unfortunately, numerous practitioners prey on families in the guise of trying to help.
When a couple walks into the courtroom it is never known what the outcome will be until the judge has issued his orders. Even after the judge has ruled, he is not obligated to explain his decision. I have seen sensible recommendations completely ignored. I have also seen insane recommendations turned into parenting orders. Because of this imbalance, polarized parents become extreme in their efforts to preserve their position and often create an irreconcilable riff that will take years to heal, if ever. The stress of going through the family court system always negatively impacts both mom and dad, creating losses that are visible financially and invisible emotionally.
Two core problems with family law are:
1) Court appointed psychologists
2) Court appointed minor's counsel and mediators
Core problem 1 - Court Appointed Psychologists
Court appointed psychologists are are protected by statute even more then an elected official. In California for instance, psychologists have "absolute protection" and can say anything they want without facing discipline of any kind.
I am familiar with one case where a court ordered report was put together by two highly respected clinical psychologists. The report was primarily created by an intern. Despite being her very first case, her findings were signed off by a clinical psychologist even before he met either of the parents. The report was so biased and emotionally charged that it was actually thrown out of court by the judge. Despite this, there was no admonishment of the psychologists by the judge and the 20,000 dollar cost of the report was charged to the unfavored parent. On top of that, the clinical psychologist was hired by the favored parent to give evidence at trial against the other parent, whom he had never even met.
It is incredibly unfortunate that cases such as this are common. Despite the fact that most family law attorneys consider the psychology used by professionals to be voodoo, many judges have stated "it's the only thing we have." It's kind of like using witch doctors to treat patients because there are no real doctors around.
Core problem 2 - Minor's Counsel
The next great problem in the family law system is the freedom of minor's counsel, who acts as the judge's "investigator" in difficult cases. An opposing attorney may not cross examine minor's consul, thus allowing the judge to hear evidence which is completely subjective, and often incorrect. His "facts" are not subjected to the scrutiny of those who may be accused of all sorts of things. In a normal law court, anything anyone says is scrutinized; a process that squeezes the truth out of opposing people's positions. Couples are not allowed this basic right.
Once a couple enters into the family law system, chances are very good the couple will be disgusted with each other for many years, sometimes the most vulnerable and important years for the children.
Paul Friedman, author of http://www.lessonsforahappymarriage.com, entered into the business of helping couples mend their marriages after a very rough personal experience with divorce. Paul came out of an early retirement to become a mediator. His belief was that couples could easily work out the details of separation and get on with their lives. He discovered the truth from his clients: they only sought divorce because the help they found to stay together didn't work.
No comments:
Post a Comment